A remarkable life

She died before I could sit up and write a blog on palliative chemotherapy or rather before I could look in the dictionary what palliative really meant. I wanted to write about it. It was a challenging topic.

Would you choose chemotherapy with utterly horrific physical consequences, when you are aware that it doesnt necessarily lead to a cure? The answer seems easy when I am not terminally ill, because I am working with my rationality. But I dont know if I would choose palliative chemo to a loved one? Is it okay to give it? Is it okay to accept that it is of no good value? So at best I and prax could have a discussion, we both decided that we wont live in medical mercy, we prefer being given up. But then this is our stand today, with full rationality, when we arent aware of any sickness. I dont know if we would change our mind when we know we will die? Would we want to try all extreme possibilities?

Last year, this summer, I and my anna faced a similar dilemma. We both had to talk to our father that it is better that his legs are removed. I read up elaborately on artificial limbs. But my pa really didnt want to loose his legs, it was a scary thought for him. It isnt a easy topic to talk to a person. We yielded to his request. He carries on with his wounded troubling legs that can anyday pass on dangerous infection into his blood. He is trying his best. We are still learning to make him happy.

She has died before I wrote a blog on palliative chemotherapy for terminally ill cancer patients.
But she has left two remarkable facts for my family.
1. She is the first one in my closest circle to have adopted a son. She gave him so much attention, she is more famous for her overbearing motherhood. She missed him and worried about him a lot and wished to live for his sake alone at least another 5 years.
2. She is the first one as far as I know who has donated her body part upon death. I hear she has donated her eyes. Those eyes are alive and serving well. Prax remembers those were beautiful eyes. Those beautiful eyes are showing us a new way. It is nomore merely a ideal talk, somebody really did it.

I realized only on her last few days that she taught science to 10th standard government school kids. She practically is the biggest possibility for change for a government school kid - I realized. If s/he does well, s/he has options opening up for that kid's life from there on. She worked very hard for them. She was much loved in her school. She never took leave until now.

Until then we had only known her as an aththai who talks non stop. How much we miss observing in a human. I can imagine her laughter filled sentences as I write this. She was vibrant and energetic even when she was sad and complaining. She was a remarkable person, I see now.